My Hilarious Dad--This Week: The Great American Pastime

Baseball In Heaven
For their entire lives, Phil and Tony lived baseball. They went to more than sixty games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would come back to tell the other if there was a ball diamond in heaven.

One night in the middle of a Yankees game, Phil passed on happy. A few nights later, Tony awoke to Phil's voice coming from the beyond. "Phil, is that you?"

"Of course it's me."

"Quick, tell me," Tony excitedly asked, "is there baseball in heaven?"

"First the good news. Yes, Tony, there is baseball in heaven."

"And the bad news?"

"You're pitching tomorrow night."

Little League
No wonder kids are so confused these days. I saw a Little Leaguer being told by his coach, "Hold at third," and his mother yelling, "Johnny, you come home this instant."

Good Manners
"Look, Billy," the coach said, "you know the principles of good sportsmanship. You know the Little League doesn't allow temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language."

"Yes sir, I understand."

"Good, Billy. Now, would you please explain that to your mother?"

Winning Run
Coming home from his Little League game, Bud excitedly swung open the front door and hollered, "Anyone home?"

His father immediately asked, "So how did you do, son?"

"You'll never believe it!" Buddy announced. "I was responsible for the winning run!"

"Really? How'd you do that?"

"I dropped the ball."

Baseball Date
It was only her second date with a diehard baseball fan, and Judy was a little nervous. It was her fault they arrived at the ball park a full hour after the game had started.

Taking her seat, Judy glanced up at the scoreboard. It was a tight pitcher's battle, bottom of the fifth, 0-0. "Look, Charlie," she exclaimed with relief, "we haven't missed a thing."

Kids' Baseball Riddles
Who is Count Dracula's favorite person on the team.
The bat boy.

Where is the largest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.

What is the best way to get rid of flies?
Sign up some good outfielders.

Why was night baseball started?
Because all bats like to sleep in the daytime.

What team cries when it loses?
A bawl club.

Two baseball teams played a game. One team won, but no man touched base. How could that be?
Both were all-girl teams.

Swingers
He doesn't have a good sense of the strike zone. He once swung at a ball that the pitcher threw to first, trying to pick off a runner.

The Golden State
"I really like playing ball in San Jose," said the minor league player to his roommate.

"Hank, here in California there are lots of Spanish names," advised the all-knowing roommate. "The natives pronounce the letter 'J' as an 'H.' We say 'San Hosay.' "

"Hmm."

"By the way, when do we play there again?"

"In Hune and Huly."

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From The Good Sports Joke Book, published by Barbour Publishing, Inc. Used by permission.