My Daddy, The Gentleman

We were running late this morning. My wife was having a tough time getting my son up. He stayed up late on the computer last night. She has been back and forth to his bedside about three times already and he hasn't budged. Finally, she vented her frustration and gave him a yell. Most kids would have snapped to it at that point. Not my son.

You see, when it comes to sleeping, my son has the hypoactive component of ADHD. When he sleeps, he is more asleep than a log. And that's with normal hours of sleep. He was up all night coming to this morning. The house could have been on fire, he would have slept through it.

I can't blame my wife for losing it. We are a frustrating bunch (mea culpa, I have adult ADHD, I passed it on to my kids). We are disorganized, messy, forgetful and easily distracted. I tell you, my wife is the greatest hero in my book. We have only two kids but she might as well have had three times three because she has to put up with all of us and our funky lack of attentiveness.

That's why I knew it was time I stepped in once I heard her shrill voice calling my son by his full name.

I approached my son's bedside, gave him a backrub, told him almost by a whisper, "Come on, we're gonna be late for church." Then, I tugged at his arm, pulled a little bit at his shoulder, and told him, "Go, the easiest way to wake up is to go straight to the shower." And just like that, he was up.

I've seen this scenario played over and over again in the many Saturday mornings I've awakened my son to go fishing. It was never hard to get him up. Why, there were mornings I awoke and he was already up!

I noticed this again as we arrived at church and he has fallen asleep again in the car. My wife raised her voice once more, this time calling him by his nickname. No dice. I went around from the driver's seat, opened the door where he sat, gave nim a couple of taps by his knees, and once again softly told him, "Let's go. We're late." And out the car he came.

Through the service I was thinking this over. There is definitely a contrast in the way that my wife and I persuade our son to do things for us. And I am not here to talk about the right and the wrong in how we approach him. I am only openly wondering why my son responds positively to the easy sort of way I work with him.

I'm quite sure that one of the reasons is because it is very easy for me to put myself in my son's shoes. We share the same disorder. I grew up often misunderstood, often disappointing those that place high expectations on me. The LORD gifted me with a better than average intellectual capability. But I kept ignoring people, forgetting important things assigned to me. I was often caught daydreaming and not paying attention. My attitude was often misconstrued as one of arrogance since people jumped often to the conclusion that my inattention was because I was bored by the lack of mental challenge they were providing. No one understood that I was being distracted to death. In college I often passed out in the men's locker room after forcing myself to be attentive through a whole day of classes.

So, empathizing with my son comes naturally. Still, there was a time when I got so carried away with ministry and my wife with business that we nearly lost him. He was showing definite signs of rebellion. We quickly realized that he was slipping away from us.

That was when I decided that if I end up a failure at home, then all my work in ministry was all for naught. On my birthday, I took him and his sister shooting arrows in a local archery range. Not long after, we went out bowling, just the two of us. Then I took him fishing and that was when our relationship really took off. From then on, we became regulars at a local lake.

It was amazing how my boy's attitude turned around. The signs of rebellion faded away. Where before we could be sitting in the same car and not even say a word to each other through a whole trip, our conversations became more and more personal as the fishing forays went on. I was able to discuss his school with him, and what his strategy might be to get himself set up for a secure future, and the important stuff about the birds and the bees. Hey, before long my son and I were buddies!

You know, that was exactly how my Father in heaven dealt with me. It is my standard line whenever I am sharing my testimony that had anyone come to know me before I received Jesus as my personal Savior and LORD, they would not have wanted me for a friend. I was a raging, angry young man, thinking the world had let me down and owed me big time. There was no such thing as God to me. I got by through grit and determination. I felt I owed anyone nothing.

It is said, God's faithfulness is seen most clearly by hindsight. You better believe it. There were many times, in my reckless youth, that my life could have been snuffed out. I have been shot at, I have crawled underneath buses while bombs exploded around me in street demonstrations gone bad, I have been marked for a thrill mugging one night in a dark isolated alley. At each instance, and in many others, the LORD allowed me to escape unscathed. In that dark alley, the young teen that first confronted me and was to be the "starter" (the one to signal the start of the ambush) turned out to be a classmate of mine in high school. When he realized who I was, he called off the hit and vouched for me as his friend.

All these while I was thumbing my nose at my heavenly Father, ranting and raving at him, hurling horrible invectives at him. Never once did God stop caring for me. Yet never once did he tell me, "Get saved or else." He never barged his way through my door. He just kept knocking. He pursued me no matter how hard I ran away from him. He wooed me no matter how shamefully I rejected him.

What a gentleman my Father in heaven is!

The Bible says:

"We love because he first loved us." (1 John 4:19)

I believe this is why my son and I can work together. The LORD was so kind to give me first hand knowledge of his unconditional love. He showed me how much more powerful are his quiet and gentle ways. He showed me what love grows out of forgiveness:

"Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven--for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." (Luke 7:47)

My son has a mind all his own. He may still lose his way in this world inspite of my best efforts. But I believe that if I treat him the way my Father in heaven treated me, if I cared for him the way God did, chances are good that he just might make it through life fine.

I am praying for my son. And it is the same gentle Father that cared for me inspite of me who is listening.