I Was Stalked—And I Love It!

I was watched wherever I went. I was watched in my waking hours. I was watched when I was asleep.

I was followed when I walked and when I ran.

Unbeknownst to me, a plot has been written out into a book. My days were arranged to follow its twists and turns.

The plotter worked his way to my consciousness. He sought to endear himself to me. He was persistent. He would not take no for an answer.

I tried very hard to get away. I valued my independence. But wherever I turned, he was there.

Of course, it came in handy when I got into trouble. Whenever I got myself in over my head on anything, he just seemed to always happen by and pull me out. Oh, he seemed to let me sweat every now and then but he always showed up just when I thought I was finished.

He always managed to send a message or two to me to keep me aware that he was just around. Sometimes his messengers were the least I would expect to carry his communications. One time, when I was an activist in an underground atheistic organization, the leader’s wife turned out to be one such messenger. She talked to me lengthily about him. She even challenged me not to just reject him without having even known anything about him. You know, the academic way. Like how can you review a book if you have not even read it?

I was hard-headed, though. After all, as far as I was concerned, he did not exist.

Bad mistake.

Suffice it to say that he allowed things to work out in my life till I came to a place where I found myself one night thoroughly convinced that I would not see myself alive in the morning. Whether the threat to my life was real or imagined, I do not know. I do not want to know. What was clear to me then was that I was in such deep despair that death was only a matter of time.

And just as he has always done before when I thought I was already counted out, only this time it seemed like it was going to be for the last time, he showed up. I survived that night. Let me tell you how.

You see, I was in possession of a Bible that my earthly father gave to me years before. I only carried it around with me because I vowed that someday I would write a book that would disprove everything it taught.

That night, though, being at the proverbial end of my rope, I took a glance at this Bible and thought to myself, I have tried everything and nothing worked. The Bible was about the only thing I have not tried. I had nothing to lose.

I flipped the Bible open. The first thing my eyes focused on were the words, “Save me, O God”. I was at Psalm 69 and I was reading its first words. How strange, I thought, that I would read the very same sentiment I was so filled with at the time.

I decided to read on and found that the psalm in essence told the story of my life in detail. I dropped to my knees as soon as I finished reading. I told my pursuer, “God, there’s no winning this fight against you. I surrender. Please forgive me for not believing in you. Forgive me for all the wrong that I have done you.”

For the first time in many, many years, I slept well that night. I felt as though the weight of the whole world was lifted off my shoulders.

As each day went by, the LORD revealed more and more of himself to me. I found out just how truly endearing he is, how truly deeply loving. I regretted not having allowed him into my life sooner.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— (Ephesians 1:4-5)

I learned that it was with pleasure that the LORD pursued me. I learned that the relationship I have with him is God-given, God-driven, God-initiated and God-designed.

What a tremendous blessing it is to be pursued by Someone who is so outrageously in love with me.